Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
