Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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