And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
