quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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