I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
