im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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