I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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