let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
