lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Mom said you looked used
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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