I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
