I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
