sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
