I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
this will be a night to untag.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
