She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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