My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
