i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
