shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
