There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
