i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
