the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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