I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
