I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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