you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Found your dick twin last night
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
