the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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