We won't sleep together?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
