thus making me awesome and them whores
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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