you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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