Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
