...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
