she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
