Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
