I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We left the knife in your bed.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
