3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
