i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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