you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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