Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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