i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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