dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
