She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
