Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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