someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
