We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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