Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
