I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
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