so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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