plz talk dirty to me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
