Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
