Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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