walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
