Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
