And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i need some magic done to my vagina
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
