Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
