Sober January is a disaster.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
